I have a dating secret for you that will only improve your love life. Are you ready? Okay. Stop looking for love. That’s right — stop it. Allow me to elaborate.
In the fast-paced world that we live in, dating is very hard. Nothing is traditional anymore. We look for love by swiping left or right, and are under an immense amount of pressure to find “the one” in college, just like our parents did. But the times have changed…drastically. With hookup culture constantly growing, and the marriage age rising with it, it’s only common sense to accept that younger people (like ourselves) still have a number of years before we settle down. There’s really no rush (and there shouldn’t be), but it can feel rushed; with social media and dating apps bigger than they ever have been, we are constantly surrounded by pictures of happy, smiling couples or have appealing people just a quick message away. We have love at our fingertips.
But that’s the problem. People are logging on Tinder, posting on Instagram, changing their Facebook relationship status…all in the name of love. But do you really think you’re going to find love there?
With only 13% of Tinder users reporting a relationship that lasted longer than one month (or lasting longer than five minutes), dating apps (unlike paid-for websites) are less of a source for finding romance and more of a source for finding sex. And, well, that’s kind of what they were created for anyway.
But with so many pretty people just an arm’s length away, it can be hard to look for something other than love (or look for just sex) — especially when you’re pulling up Tinder while you’re craving some serious cuddling and attention. It has to stop, though.
Stop looking for love.
You see, when we’re constantly looking for love, we’re constantly applying pressure on ourselves and others. We’re pressuring ourselves to find a relationship…and we’re pressuring others to find a relationship with us, even if they don’t want to.
And this results in failed relationships and broken hearts.
Which, I don’t know about you, but I just really don’t have time for.
So here’s my suggestion: stop looking for love. Let love find you. Love isn’t something that is forced, it’s something that happens. There’s a reason Cupid shoots people with arrows — he finds them.
To quote the Bible (which I know you’re not used to on here): “love is patient.” Paul knew a little something when writing to the Corinthians, so keep those few famous verses in mind. You must be patient and willing to just…stop. Stop searching. Stop stressing. Stop rushing. Letting love find you will make that love so much more enjoyable, easy, and carefree.
Out of my serious relationships, I wasn’t looking for a single one. I stumbled upon the person, went on a few dates, and let it evolve into what it truly became. Yeah, I dated other people, but since I wasn’t *expecting* love, it made the let-down a lot easier when they didn’t text back. And we’re all going to have those let-downs.
I’ve also found that every time I was actively looking for something serious, I was constantly let down. I was continually met by guys who didn’t want anything serious or became uninterested when they found out I wanted to be serious. It left me heartbroken and confused. It also left me doing most of the work in the world of dating.
So whenever I stopped, love always found a way to my doorstep and, when it did, it made dating for me so much easier. I didn’t have to put in too much energy or worry too much about the other person, and it’s always resulted in long-term relationships for me.
Take a breather, take a step back, stop actively looking for love. Just enjoy the people around you, and enjoy your youth. Love will get to you eventually because, after all, love is all around.
(Okay I’m done with the cheesy quotes for now.)
Photo Courtesy of: Scott Webb via Pexels