23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas: RESPONSE

An article has recently gone viral on the Internet. Written by a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move, an online blog, it’s titled “23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas.” Originally expecting something light-hearted and funny, I was completely shocked at how the article was written, portraying the writer as someone ungrateful, pretty selfish and downright rude. The following is my response.

If you haven’t seen the ORIGINAL article, please click here. I will have the original writing posted below in italics with my response written in bold, that way you can really compare.

-23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas

Bath and Body Works.
I’m going to get enough of this from literally all of my acquaintances. Just don’t do it.

But can you really have enough Bath and Body Works? Sure, some of their scents might be a little overbearing or not your type, but that stuff is also overpriced as fuck, so the fact that ANYONE is getting if for you means something.

An engagement ring.
Definitely buy me this, but if you propose instead of getting me a real gift, I will actually kill you. 

If a long-time boyfriend of mine was giving me with an engagement ring, I’d probably be thrilled enough that he wants to commit, but apparently you’re not, so that should say more about you than him.

A promise ring.
We’re not five, and if I have to show this to my friends, I will literally kill myself

Okay, I have to agree on this one. Promise rings are a little too immature for me, but do you really need to threaten suicide? Even if it is in a satirical manner, suicide isn’t funny.

Any sort of ring.
What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?

I love rings. GIVE ME ALL THE RINGS.

This is a gift for you, not me. I repeat. This is a gift for you. Not me.

Except I’d feel really great when wearing lingerie and it’s also hella expensive and when am I gonna buy lingerie for myself? 

Any kind of exercise gear.
Are you telling me I look fat??

Exercise gear will motivate me to be active and a boyfriend that cares about my health is a great guy!!!!

….or any kind of clothing at all.
If you think I’m really that size, it’s over.

The fact that a guy will go out of his way to find clothes that he thinks you like says a lot about him. Like a lot. Even if you don’t like it, fucking appreciate it.

Now you’re just messing with me.

I hope you have no chocolate when this guy dumps your sorry ass.

Anything that can’t be exchanged for store credit.
Let’s be honest, I didn’t start dating you for your style.

Two words: the fuck? 

A gift card.
Good to know that two years’ worth of love and affection is worth exactly $50 from Target.

If he can’t get you clothes, jewelry, scents, or basically anything else found in stores….WHAT IS HE GONNA GET YOU??

Something handmade.
I mean, you can get me this, but you’d better get me a real present too, if you know what I mean.

If your guy is willing to be crafty for you, he’s a keeper. The end. Also, there’s no such thing as a “real” present. I hope you don’t say this to your future children when they give you things they make in preschool.

This isn’t getting you out of holding our hands in public.

….how do gloves have anything to do with holding hands?

Fake earrings.
Diamonds or GTFO.

If you’re demanding diamonds, you are obviously shooting for the wrong age group in men, if you know what I mean.

A picture.
Trust me, I stalk you on Facebook everyday. I don’t need this.

Because Facebook stalking is so sentimental and not at all creepy/clingy/overbearing.

A watch.
If you think this will make me be on time, you’ve never been more wrong.

Watches are also expensive. Give me all the watches.

Anything you also bought your ex.
You may think we don’t know. Trust us. We know.

If you care so much about what he bought his ex-girlfriend enough to know what he bought her, you have bigger problems on your hands regarding your relationship with him. (I’ll give you a hint: it’s you.)

If I have to post a chain-link heart bracelet on Insta, I will literally die.

Tiffany is hella expensive so I’d be thrilled if someone bought it for me.

A book.
So romantic.

Picking out a book for someone is a very personal matter, which means he’s thought about you a lot in the process. If you can’t appreciate that, I don’t know what you can appreciate.

Anything sports related.
Yes, we told you we like sports. No, we actually don’t like sports.

Just grin and bear it, which I’m sure you do every time he does something nice for you anyway.

Thanks, Grandma.

This is rude to all grandmas out there. I wanted to take a moment to tell my grandmother that I love her and the socks she sends me (that I actually ask for because socks are GREAT and USEFUL).

Donation to charity.
Yes, that’s a good gift for someone. But does that look like a good gift for me?

Alright, I’m gonna say it…YOU’RE A SELFISH BITCH.

Stuffed animals.
Any gift that could reasonably also be given to a five year old should never apply.

Stuffed animals are great…for those of us that have warm, beating hearts, unlike you.

We’re over.


So, folks, the lesson we’ve learned here is to be appreciative of what we are given. After all, Christmas isn’t about the gifts at the end of the day.



Image Courtesy of: US Magazine

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